Malcolm von Freiberg
   Malcolm's father was a nun. Malcolm is sure of this
since he clearly remembers that when the Baron asked
him what his trade was he answered: "Nun."  Sometimes
people seem to not believe him and ask strange
questions about light weight wool intimates.
  That was right before the Baron decided that Malcolm's
father and young Malcolm would get to go off to war with
him and carry shiny things.  War was a great game for
little Malcolm where strange people made faces at you
until you hit them with big shiny things then they laid down
and pretended to be asleep.  
  The Baron noticed Malcolm's enthusiasm and took him
in after his father went for a walk one night and did not
return.  The Baron was very worried about Malcolm's
father and even sent some nice men with dogs looking for
him.  They even took a lot of good rope in case Malcolm's
father fell down a well or something.  
  The Baron was a nice man and fed Malcolm almost
everyday.  Eventually he gave Malcolm shiny things to
wear and let him fight too.  All Malcolm had to do in
exchange was herd, saddle, shear, polish, brew, repair,
cook, pluck chickens, dress hogs, plow fields, mop the
church, marshal, carry rocks, sew, clean chimneys, tote
coal, chop wood, tidy the stables, and other easy stuff.  
He does not even have to remember to do any of these
things since there is always some one to remind him to do
them all.  Malcolm just cannot believe how lucky he is!